woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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