just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
