Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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