So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
