you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Use "feeling words"
Yay
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
