is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
