I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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