I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That accounts for only three of the penises
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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