we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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