My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
