moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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