I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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