John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
there is glitter all over my balls
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
