Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
