people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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