Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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