Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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