just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I am available for nakedness
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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