Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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