yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
