had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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