does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
