There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
