I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
