Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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