I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
false alarm, still single
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
