I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
