I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
