so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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