did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
send nudes
from the living room?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
