LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
