I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
