His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
