at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
