I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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