I bet he comes in French.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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