is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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