Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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