Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
