Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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