I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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