I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
