I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
