What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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