I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
