I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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