To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
