I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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