remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
