My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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