All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
