i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
