Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
