He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
