Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You ruined the universe
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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