I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
