I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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